Deanna's Mixed Emotions

Will had gone to Deanna's office to talk to her shortly after Wyatt departed to talk to her and ask her hand in marriage before anyone else did. He did not want to take another chance in losing her. He loved her so much and ten years was a long time to be in love with someone.

"Deanna, you know how I feel about you and I believe I know how you feel about me." Will said.

"I do, Will," Deanna confirmed, "But we've only been together for such a short time."

"Maybe so, but we've known each other for a long time on a deep personal level." he said, "We've bonded in many ways."

Deanna recalled all those ways and it was not long ago Will had pointed all those ways out to her, but still she was very scared. What if it was not right, even though he is her Imzadi. What if this spiritual bond they share is no more than just that. What if....

"Marry me." Will insisted.

For a brief moment she was taken aback. She knew she wanted to say "yes" so desparately, but if their feelings did not last forever.

"I so desparately want to say yes." she said with tears starting to fill her eyes. "I want to be with you so much that it hurts, but we've only seen each other for a few months on this ship. I think we should give it more time and feel our way a little longer. Just to be sure it will last. There are many...."

"You analyze things too much." Will asserted. "I know what I want and I know what I feel. Life is too short to analyze the hell out of things. I for one am going to enjoy it as it comes. When you make up your mind, you know where I am. Let's hope it's not too late."

Then he walked out the door. Deanna fell into a chair and cried. She feared her fear was coming true. That Will would walk out and never come back into her life.

"Maybe he's right." she thought to herself with tears rolling down her eyes. "Maybe I analyze thing to death."

She did know what she wanted, but was she allowing the psychologist in her to rule her emotions to the point she was not allowing her emotions to be? To analyze her feelings to the point she would bury them and not let them surface? She had grown up with the knowledge of the word Imzadi, but she did not know if the gods of Betazed really did send one's soulmate to them."But yet has it happened? Or was it wishful thinking on their part to be soul mates?"

"No," she said, to herself. "They knew too many unspoken things about each other not to have a bond. And for the most part, they knew without saying how the other thought and felt in various situations. There were those times though, when they did not.

Deanna was acutely aware of Will's feelings right now. She did not want to hurt him anymore than she wanted to get hurt again. The tears began to fall hard and fast now. She was too afraid, that if she jumped in too soon, she would be hurt again. She did not want that to happen again. She had to be sure it was right and was really going to last forever, but she loved Will so much. She had touched his soul and it was beautiful and he had touched hers and fell madly in love with it.

Through the tears a smile was starting to creep up onto her face. He made her feel so good, until she started to analyze her feelings and then she got very scared. Then she turned around again and he would make her feel so happy and good again.

"What is it about him that makes me feel so happy and good?" she thought with a smile. "Why do I love him so much? His soul is so handsome and wonderful." She would always be happy to see him, until she started questioning her feelings in order to protect herself from being hurt again."Would it be different this time? Or would it end in pain again?"

Tears started to fall again. If only there were some way she could communicate all these feelings to him. Could they work through it all? Could they talk it out and deal with it no matter how long it took? Or was it doomed because Deanna was so scared? Could Will care enough about her to respect her feelings and give it time to see if these feelings would last and to find out if they really were soul mates. To test the gods' wishes and find out if that is their plan for their lives. "Could Will accept that?" she thought then the next thought was, "If he really cares, he will." then she smiled again for she believed he did.

She loved Will and she wanted to marry Will eventually. Maybe in the near future. She smiled and the tears started to leave again and in their place were thoughts of Will's warm loving arms around her.